The Irish people go to the polls tomorrow to decide who will lead the next Dail. It has been the shortest election cycle in history, lasting just over 3 weeks and yet the public act like we have endured 100 years war. Switching off the television when a debate is scheduled, bolting the doors and dimming the lights so those pesky canvassers will think no one is home. How would we cope if we were in the US, where the media is literally fuelled by political talk while they decide which candidate has the X Factor.
Under the Constitution of Ireland, a general election for Dáil Éireann must occur once in every seven years, but a five-year limit is currently specified by statute. Fine Gael and Labour are currently in a coalition but all this will change on Friday the 26th as a level of dissatisfaction has been festering amongst the Irish over the last couple of months. In an effort to keep things light before the weight of your constitutional right to vote hits you tomorrow, we decided to look at the 6 different types of Irish voters who will be gracing the polls this week.
On the Fence Frank
Frank won’t tell you who he is voting for, but wants to know exactly who you are giving your No.1 to. Slightly annoying, he publicly advocates for every candidate, discussing their pros and cons but we all know he has his mind made up. Frank is the kinda person who retweets Renua’s manifesto while simultaneously liking Fianna Fail’s updates on Facebook.
We know your game Frank, you’re fooling nobody.
"My Vote Won’t Matter" Martin
Martin is probably the worst type of voter, and he can be found in every country. Martin moans that his vote won’t make a difference to any outcome, how can one vote decide anything etc. We preach to Martin that if everyone had his attitude, nobody would vote. 6 months down the line, he will be one of the first to criticise, well guess what Martin, you didn’t even vote.
Stay at home Martin and leave the job up to the people who really care.
The 'My Father Tells Me How Vote' Voter
We won’t even bother giving this person a fun name because they clearly can’t form their own opinions. So far embedded into one party because their family has voted the same way for 20 years that they can no longer distinguish one from the other, this person is a strange one. Blind to any mistakes their representative may make, they offer unrivalled loyalty. They probably canvass for their candidate, not really knowing why, but their parents ordered to, so that was enough about that.
"I’ll just vote for the Labour candidate because we always vote Labour" - definitely not the smartest move their guys.
The Misguided Republican
This voter is our favourite one. They have decided that they hate everyone who isn’t on a mission to return Ireland to a 32 county country, which we appreciate but...
We can’t help but feel their reasoning is a bit muddled, they either watched the Michael Collins movie way too many times and got confused or became brainwashed at a young age by the charismatic ways of Gerry Adams tweets. They also 100% cannot name one policy that their candidate is campaigning for.
2016 is going to be a hectic year for them for obvious reasons, they are definitely busy Easter Monday, huge fans of the Wolfe Tones and consider Tom Barry one of their heroes.
Party Glas Paul
Paul really came into his own when we all decided we were worried about the hole in the Ozone layer (which we all forgot about pretty fast). He was left a little lost after the Green Party was decimated back in 2011 but he has soldiered on under the disguise of a beanie hat and cool aviator shades. Hoping to at least see Party Glas leader Eamonn Ryan get a seat after GE16, Paul will tell anyone who is listening that he is voting Party Glas No.1, even though no one is ever listening.
That Young Fine Gael Voter
Well, this could be any person who was captured by the Youth or Ógra section of a political party. They made you pay a €10 to join and now ever since you were 13 you have been receiving emails about the party. Catch them when they are young, that's the motto.
Upon turning 18, this person morphs into a walking, talking election poster. You have to unfriend them on Facebook because you don’t care that they spent their weekend at the Ard Fheis in the CityWest hotel, but they catch you again on Instagram (so social media savvy those guys).
Not one to jump on the bandwagon come election season, they drive the damn thing. Hoping to rope in their unsuspecting friends into canvassing and leaflet drops, they know how to hook people in. Almost cult like, they get on well with the “my dad tells me which way to vote” person.
Institutionalised from a young age, they never really stood a chance.